Traveling Together: How to Balance Different Travel Styles
Overcoming Partner Conflict To Enjoy the Journey Together
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
Overcoming partner conflict can lead to great travel experiences
Traveling as a couple is an incredible adventure, full of new experiences and treasured memories. But what happens when you and your partner have conflicting travel styles and preferences? One loves to plan every detail while the other prefers spontaneity; one craves the hustle and bustle of city life while the other yearns for the tranquility of nature.
This divide can create tension, especially with kids in the mix who have their own preferences to consider (but that’s a post for another day). Just because this conflict may have the capacity to derail your travels, doesn’t mean that it will. Here’s some relationship travel advice to help you navigate these differences and ensure that both of you enjoy the journey.
Know Each Other’s Preferences: Open Communication
Knowing each other's travel preferences helps eliminate conflict by ensuring that each person’s interests and needs are considered in the planning process. It fosters better communication and compromise, allowing for a more harmonious and enjoyable trip where each of you feels heard and accommodated.
Start by having an open and honest conversation about what your travel priorities are. What does each of you enjoy about traveling? What are your must-haves and your absolute no-gos? Understanding each other’s desires and boundaries is crucial. Use this dialogue to find common ground and set the stage for a trip that incorporates elements you both will enjoy.
Set Clear Expectations: The Foundation of a Successful Trip
Setting expectations helps create a smoother, more enjoyable travel experience. By discussing and agreeing on various aspects of the trip, you can ensure that your travel aligns with each of your desires and needs. Here are a few things you should include in your discussions:
Align your Goals & Vision – Ask each other what you hope to get out of this particular trip? Think about activities, destinations, and experiences. Setting aside time to plan together and compromise on key aspects helps ensure that both of you feel heard and valued. By finding common ground and being flexible, you can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for collaboration and shared excitement. This alignment will have you both working toward a shared vision of your desired travel experience.
Agree on a Budget – Taking the time to hash this one out up front will save you so much conflict (and money) later. What do you plan to spend on the trip overall and what are your spending priorities? Include accommodations, dining, activities, and souvenirs in your discussion.
Know up front which areas you want to cut back on so you can splurge on others. For our family, we like to stay somewhere that provides free breakfast and/or that includes some cooking facilities so we can prepare the majority of our meals “at home.” This allows us to save on our food budget so we can, instead, splurge on fun activities and experiences. Determine what your save and splurge goals are and be diligent about following that budget.
Discuss Time Management – Determine the pace you’d like to set. Some travelers love a packed schedule, while others enjoy a relaxed pace. Try to determine how much you want to fit into each day or if you want to leave time to allow for spontaneous activities.
Kevin and I discovered quickly that we both need some “down time” during our travels. Sure, we love an amusement park day, but we also like to have a morning where we can sleep in or a day where we can laze by the pool. If we plan back to back activities, neither of us will be happy and our kids will feed off of that negativity.
Ask yourselves about the pace you want to keep and the maximum number of activities you feel comfortable planning each day. Determine if, and how often, you need to plan a slow day in your itinerary or if you want to leave time for spontaneity.
Determine Roles & Responsibilities – Assigning roles for planning, navigating, and decision-making can streamline the travel experience. One partner might handle booking accommodations while the other manages the itinerary. One might do the grocery shopping while the other does a majority of the cooking.
Understanding who will handle each task makes sure it will get done and that efforts aren’t duplicated. One thing we’ve also learned is that you need to “stay in your lane.” When someone tries to fill another’s role, conflict is likely and mistakes get made! (We talk about this specific idea in a bit more detail in our How to Successfully Navigate Life’s Transitions post.)
Compromise: The Art of Give & Take
Traveling together requires compromise. Ask each other what you hope to get out of this trip. Think about activities, destinations, and experiences. Balance is key! We found this article, The Art of Compromise: Balancing Individual Needs in a Relationship, by the husband and wife team at Arrival Counseling Service to be really helpful on the topic of compromise.
If one of you loves art museums and the other prefers hiking, plan a day that includes both activities. Maybe spend the morning exploring a city’s cultural sites and the afternoon in a nearby national park. This way, you each feel valued and included in the trip. Kevin and I try to balance our activities so that we both enjoy our travels; a combination of art museums, iconic sites, amusement parks, delicious food, and downtime to rest and recharge all combine to make both of us happy.
Divide & Conquer: Personal Time is Okay
It’s perfectly acceptable to spend some time apart during your travels. If your partner wants to spend a few hours at a local market and you’d rather lounge by the hotel pool, or take the kids to a playground, go for it! This allows each of you to enjoy your preferred activities without feeling like you’re compromising all the time. When you reunite, you’ll have new experiences to share and discuss.
Maybe one of you wants to go get a coffee, wander, and sit in a park while the other would prefer to stay in and watch a movie or play a video game. If one of you knows someone in the area you’re visiting, you might want some one-on-one time with that friend while the other goes to a museum or does an activity that isn’t a shared goal. Having individual time while traveling allows couples to explore their personal interests and passions, fostering personal growth and rejuvenation, which can ultimately strengthen the relationship and enhance shared experiences.
Plan Together: Create a Unified Itinerary
When planning your trip, sit down together and create an itinerary that includes activities both of you are excited about. Use tools like travel blogs, guidebooks, and forums to find destinations and activities that cater to both of your interests. Collaborate closely to ensure that the plans reflect what excites and interests each of you. This joint effort not only ensures that both of your desires are met but also makes the planning process more enjoyable and engaging. By working together on the itinerary, you’ll both look forward to the adventure with anticipation and enthusiasm.
Embrace the Unexpected: Be Flexible
Even the best-laid plans can go awry. Flights get delayed, weather changes, and attractions close unexpectedly. Flexibility is crucial! If you find yourself in an unexpected situation, try to see it as part of the adventure rather than a setback. This mindset can turn potential conflicts into opportunities for shared problem-solving and spontaneity.
A missed flight can lead to conflict as frustration and blame surface, causing tension between couples (and stress among children if you’re traveling as a family). To overcome this, practice calm communication and avoid blaming each other. Work together on a solution, with one of you handling rebooking while the other finds food or a snack. Acknowledge each other’s feelings, prepare for setbacks by having contingency plans, and focus on the positive aspects of the trip to prevent conflicts and ensure a smoother travel experience.
Celebrate Differences: Learn from Each Other
Traveling as a couple allows you to experience new perspectives and adapt to each other's preferences in real-time. By embracing the opportunity to learn each other's unique interests and strengths—whether it's one partner's knack for finding hidden gems or the other's ability to navigate logistics—couples can create a more harmonious and enriching travel experience.
Maybe you’ll discover a love for jazz music in a bustling city or find peace in a secluded mountain cabin. Celebrating your differences can lead to a deeper appreciation for each other and for the world around you.
Reflect & Adjust: Continuous Improvement
After your trip, take time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Discuss these points openly and use them to improve future travels. Maybe you learned that you need more downtime or that you both enjoyed trying something completely new. Discuss your choices of activities, accommodations, how well you communicated, and what went wrong and why.
This reflection allows an opportunity to identify and address any friction points, enabling you to tailor future travels to better suit both partners' preferences and needs. By sharing feedback and setting mutual goals for future trips, you can enhance your travel experiences together and foster a deeper connection.
Know When to Get Help: Grow Together for Future Success
If conflict over travel plans or the travel process is a constant source of stress in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Almost every couple can benefit from occasional, or even ongoing, therapy. Here are some ways they can assist you when it comes to your travel planning:
Improved Communication Skills – A skilled counselor or therapist can help couples learn effective communication tools by teaching them strategies for active listening, respectful communication of feelings, empathetic responses, and conflict resolution. They can even help address non-verbal tendencies that might be sabotaging effective communication.
By developing these skills, couples can navigate travel-related stress more smoothly, address disagreements constructively, and strengthen overall connection. This improved communication can lead to a more enjoyable and harmonious travel experience.
Conflict Resolution Techniques – These include identifying what aspects of travel planning tend to trigger conflicts (budget is a big one!), providing strategies for satisfying compromise, and teaching couples problem-solving skills.
Setting Realistic Expectations – A good therapist can assist couples in setting realistic and agreeable travel goals and help couples prioritize their wants and needs to make your trip a good experience for both of you. They can act as a mediator that helps guide progress by keeping you each focused on the shared goals.
Emotional Regulation – A professional can help provide techniques to manage the stress and anxiety related to travel planning. They can help teach ways to stay focused in the moment and introduce relaxation techniques that can help couples stay calm and focused when emotions start to run hot.
Understanding Each Other’s Perspectives – Past travel experiences, both good and bad, often shape our preferences by setting benchmarks for what we consider ideal or unacceptable. Positive memories can create a strong attachment to certain destinations or activities, making us reluctant to deviate from familiar comforts. Conversely, negative experiences can lead to cautiousness or even stubbornness about trying new things, as we might fear repeating past disappointments.
This blend of nostalgia and apprehension can significantly influence how we approach future travel plans. A therapist can act as an impartial mediator to help couples see things from each other’s perspective. They can also help you explore your individual values and beliefs about travel that influence your expectations and reactions. Understanding each other better can help you create common ground and a shared vision.
Final Thoughts
How do you manage different travel styles as a couple? With open communication, compromise, and a spirit of adventure, you can create a travel experience that both you and your partner will cherish. Traveling with differing styles and preferences doesn’t have to be a source of conflict. Embrace the journey together, celebrating each other’s unique perspectives and discovering the world hand in hand. After all, it’s the shared experiences and the love you bring to your travels that make the journey truly unforgettable.
How do you and your partner navigate differing travel styles? Have you found any strategies that work particularly well for you both? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below—we’d love to hear how you make it work!
