How to Successfully Navigate Life’s Transitions
Embracing Change and the Nomadic Lifestyle
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
Learning to navigate change successfully will bring amazing experiences
As we press forward into our nomadic lifestyle, we recognize that we will need to welcome change rather than just tolerate it. At its very base level, the nomadic life requires an adaptable mindset. We must look at “home” in an entirely new way and learn to thrive in the uncertainty of what each day and each new location might bring - both the joys of discovery and the frustrations of unexpected challenges. Change will be a constant daily occurrence for us and we must adapt if we are to flourish in the spontaneity of this lifestyle.
Change and stress often go hand in hand. Of the top 5 stressful life events (death of a loved one, divorce, moving, a major illness, and job loss), every single one of them involves a major change or life transition.
A life transition is a distinct shift from one phase of life to another that is marked by a specific turning point. During these transitions, a person will need to rely upon certain skills to cope and navigate successfully. In many cases, you might need to let go of certain core values, habits, or beliefs and embrace new ones. Let’s face it, change is inevitable throughout our lifetimes. If not properly managed, the stress that often accompanies change can take a toll on our mental and physical health, our relationships, and our ability to function in our work and family responsibilities.
Our family, like many others, has encountered some pretty significant transitions over the years. Kevin and I have each experienced divorce. Ellie has been a child of divorce and has had to adjust to having a stepdad (who has become not only her daddy but her best friend). We’ve moved homes and moved to new states. Our kids have all changed schools and experienced leaving behind a cherished home. Our two youngest have left public school to experience homeschool. We’ve even faced a significant and enduring health concern for one of our family members. Experiencing these things together has brought us closer, built our character, and shown us that we are capable of rising to any challenge we face.
Why is Change So Hard?
Anything that changes our routine feels uncomfortable and causes resistance. Even if we don’t particularly like the status quo, it is reliable and predictable and that makes it comfortable.
When we sold our family home a few years ago to move into a rental, Sophie was not particularly happy about it. We all loved our home but knew that we couldn’t move toward our goal of world travel if we stayed in that expensive home that required lots of maintenance. Even though it was a major change for all of us, Sophie was the only one in the family who had never moved before. That home was the only one she knew. The fear of the unknown made her resistant to embracing our new place.
Fast forward a few years, Sophie settled into our townhouse rental and was quite content. When it was time to put our stuff into storage so we could begin our travels, she was resistant again. She had built new memories and new routines and didn’t want to step into the unknown again. In spite of her resistance, she was also excited. At this point, she’d done this before and it had all worked out so she had more confidence that it would work out again.
Now, as we embark on our new adventures, we are coming to terms with the idea that we will be experiencing smaller transitions like this on a regular basis. While we will mostly be slow-traveling (staying in one place for 2-4 weeks at a time), we will still be picking up and moving to a new location at fairly regular intervals for the next 12-18 months. That will mean a new “home-base” (hotel, Airbnb, or pet-sit), and often a new country and new language every few weeks.
What Does “Stability” Mean for Your Family?
Over the years, we’ve had many conversations about what stability really means for us. We know what our family looks like when we’re in our comfort zone. We also know what it looks like when we’ve ventured beyond the boundaries of our comfort. Because we want to embrace change as an everyday part of our lives, we need to learn to nudge beyond our comfort more frequently. After all, growth only happens by continually testing those boundaries. The key, however, is to push without breaking. That means defining stability in different ways than other families do and in a different way than we did when we had a permanent home-base.
So, how do you define what stability means for your family? It begins by asking each other: “What are some of the things you can continue to rely on in the midst of a transition?” I’ll be honest, I think that our family, in general, defines many things differently than the average family. This is an evolution of thought that we have embraced that has allowed us a much more open mindset as it relates to many things.
The idea of stability for many families means a house, at least one parent who is employed full-time, traditional school and extracurricular activities for the kids, and regular social time with friends. It might mean having extended family members who live nearby. It could even extend to the cars you drive, the foods you eat, and the places you shop, worship, exercise, and play.
For us, stability looks a little different. We hold firmly to the belief that our home is wherever we are together. For our kids, having their parents with them full-time is their stability. We all work and do school in the same location so we are all constantly on hand to answer questions and have conversations. Even when Kevin worked full-time outside of the house, we still prioritized family time. Every evening (barring some work or athletic conflict) we would sit down to a family dinner where we would discuss our day and get caught up with one another.
In addition to two parents, our younger girls still have the benefit of their older sister living and traveling with us. While Ellie could easily be out on her own, she has spent the last several years schooling, working, and saving so that she could participate in this journey with us. Family has always been very important to her and many of the choices that she makes (such as where she went to college) revolve around how she can still spend time around family, continuing to see her younger sisters grow up and developing a life-long relationship with them.
For us, spending lots of time together and schooling together is normal. Taking it on the road is just a change of scenery. This frame of mind makes it easy for us to settle into any environment quickly. We’re not always perfect at it, but we enjoy the benefits and experiences that come with travel enough to accept the downsides.
All that said, a full-time travel lifestyle isn’t for everyone. Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. If creating an entirely different lifestyle upsets every semblance of stability for your family, you need to evaluate if it’s worth the stress and anxiety.
Practical Ways to Deal with Transition
So what are some tools and skills you can put into action to make life transitions easier? Here are some of the things that have helped us in the past and that we will continue to utilize in our future journeys. We hope you’ll find these tools helpful as well.
Make a Plan – Prepare your mind for the change by learning to recognize your own feelings. You can prepare both in your mind and in practice. Change can bring a lot of strong emotions. You may experience fear, excitement, anger, or disappointment. Many of us (myself included) can respond to impending change by sticking our heads in the sand or procrastinating on important tasks.
Preparation is an important key to unlock a successful transition process. Identify what needs to be done and make a plan. Then, begin chipping away at the tasks that need to be completed. Even little progress is still progress, so celebrate any, and all, tasks that have been completed throughout your execution plan. This process will help give you a sense of power and control rather than feeling as though you are a victim to your circumstance.
Check Your Attitude – To be able to embrace change, we have to be prepared to boldly accept a certain amount of discomfort on an ongoing basis. If you’re stuck in your ways and resistant to new experiences and new ways of doing things, change can be much more difficult and stressful. If you are open minded but feel like you get stuck in a negative headspace, shift your thinking a bit.
For us, we will be focusing on the memories we’ll be making together. We imagine how each family member will grow from these experiences. Kevin and I want our girls to experience the beauty and challenges that come with world travel so that they will be less likely to fear the unknown in the future. We want to raise young ladies who are resourceful, empathetic, wise, kind, adaptable, and bold. When we remind ourselves of these goals, and recognize that we have to lead by example, it’s easier to focus on the positive.
The key here is to look forward to what you’re hoping to accomplish with this change or transition. When you feel your attitude slipping into negative territory, remind yourself of the benefits you’ll enjoy as a result.
Set Your Routine – Establishing routines can instill some consistency in the midst of change. While having long and elaborate routines may be the norm in your day-to-day life at a stable home and job, these are not the types of routines that we’re talking about. We mean more of the simple acts that you do almost without even thinking, those tasks and actions that may make up part of a larger routine, but, when you really think about it, could be broken out into a smaller pattern. These are the types of routines that are likely portable and will help to provide some semblance of “normalcy” when your environment and situation changes. Whenever possible, take those familiar processes along with you to help make settling in easier. Here are some examples:
Morning Routine – This could be as simple as brushing your teeth, making your bed, and having a cup of coffee, or more involved like going to the gym and/or taking quiet time to journal.
Mealtimes – Just the act of regularly sitting at the table together for a meal can become an anchoring activity for your family. This time to sit and talk about your day and share your challenges and victories can actually improve your health and help decrease the likelihood that your children will engage in unhealthy or dangerous activities.
Did you know that only 30% of families regularly sit down for a meal together? Dozens of studies over more that 20 years worth of research have consistently shown a multitude of benefits from this one simple activity. Anne Fishel, the Executive Director of The Family Dinner Project says “regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, and anxiety, and substance abuse, and eating disorders, and tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience and higher self esteem.”
As we mentioned in the beginning of this post, mealtimes have always been a priority for our family. Even when we were busy, we made sure that we sat together, whenever possible, to eat without the distraction of phones or other technology. We continue to prioritize this when we travel. The beauty of this is that the act is more important than the food. If a home-cooked meal isn’t feasible every night, even grabbing takeout and sitting around the dining room table to eat, will greatly benefit every member of your family!
Meal Planning – Compile a list of simple meals that everyone likes. When times are stressful, rely on these meals to simplify your routine and provide comforting and familiar food.
This is something we can do even when we travel. Eggs, yogurt, and granola/muesli can be found almost anywhere. Having the makings of an easy breakfast available on the first morning in a new location brings us a sense of normalcy.
We’ve found a couple of other recipes that we rely on as well. We like to make broccoli cheddar soup and serve it with whatever meat is readily available. Pasta and some sort of sauce is usually easy to find and make as well. (In France, we made a lot of bolognaise because that’s what was available.)
Even when we had a permanent home-base, I always had a few shelf stable pantry meals or freezer-to-oven options that could be pulled out at the last minute if making a meal from scratch was just more than I could muster on a given night.
Unpacking – There are many benefits to unpacking when you arrive in a new location. First of all, it’s easier to find things. It also helps you keep your clean clothes separated from your dirties until they can be laundered. It frees up floor space to make your living area flow better (and help prevent tripping over stuff in the middle of the night). It’s also a great way to fully utilize the space you’re paying for anyway. Those drawers and closets are there for a reason. You might as well take advantage of them.
Kevin and I like to unpack our suitcases and put our stuff away if we’re staying more than a couple of nights. It helps us feel “at home” when we’re not digging through our suitcases. The girls don’t always unpack but they do establish a place where their suitcase can be open and accessible without being in the way. Having your things where you can get to them when you need them is important because it makes things run more smoothly. It’s a simple way to reduce stress.
Journaling &/or Meditation – Both journaling and meditation force us to slow down and be mindful. When combined, these practices can be especially effective in reducing stress, gaining new personal insight, and promoting overall well-being. Both take discipline and practice. If you’ve tried either and it didn’t click, I’d encourage you to give it another try and stick with it until you see a benefit.
Both practices are an important part of Kevin’s morning routine. He can recognize a difference in his mindset and his productivity when his meditation and journaling are not prioritized. Both Ellie and I know how much he values this time and if we see that he’s stepped away for a few days, we will nudge him to re-engage.
For me, journaling is less of a daily activity but still an important routine. My journals contain travel memories, my deepest thoughts, my dreams for myself and my children, thoughts that I’m not ready to share out loud, and even prayers. I feel better when I journal. Could journaling, meditation, or a dedicated quiet time be beneficial for you?
Virtual Meetings & Groups – Relationships are important! We all need people in our life that share our passions, encourage us to grow, and make us feel connected and loved. It’s important to rely on those people when you’re going through a major change or life transition! Seek them out for conversations, advice, encouragement, or just as a healthy diversion from whatever craziness may be going on in your life.
If you travel full-time or if you live far away from your friends and family, you have to be creative about how you connect with them. Look at your relationships as location-independent. Yes, you would love to meet your friend for lunch at your favorite restaurant but can you each grab a cup of coffee and sit together for a FaceTime or Zoom call instead?
I have a handful of very good friends. Only a couple of them have lived within 20 miles of me within the last decade or so. With besties in Kentucky, Indiana, Colorado, and Ecuador (now finally in NC - just as we’re leaving), I’ve had to learn how to stay in touch without getting to see each other often. Covid brought that challenge to all of us for quite a long time. With all the negatives that the pandemic brought, there were some silver linings that resulted as well. It has never been easier, or more comfortable, to cultivate and grow relationships through the benefit of technology.
When we travel, we utilize several different methods to stay in touch. I have both family and friend groups on WhatsApp that I use to keep people up-to-date on where we are and what we’re doing. WhatsApp is also great for video calls, especially since I have it loaded on both my phone and my laptop. It’s also the way I stay in touch with my international Bible study group members in between meetings.
Ellie and I have weekly, scheduled studies with friends or groups that we try to continue doing, in spite of time zones. These are done through FaceTime, WhatsApp, and Zoom. I even meet regularly with my therapist online. The same is true with Rachel’s homeschool group that she does each week through Outschool. Sophie is even able to connect with her best friend, now that she’s inherited my old iPhone (set up with texting through her email account). Touching base weekly helps tether us to normal routines even when we travel.
Assign Tasks – Everyone needs to know their role and stay in their own lane. While “staying in your lane” may sound a bit harsh, it actually helps to improve efficiency, ensuring that tasks aren’t being unnecessarily completed more than once or forgotten altogether.
You may think that you’re helping someone when you grab their clothes to “help them pack,” but what you may not realize is that it could throw off their process. Likely, they have their own order of operations that is different from yours and they will get to it eventually. When their items are not where they left them, they will either forget about them or they will panic because they can’t find them. By designating roles, responsibilities, and tasks to each person, you can help everyone to be accountable and to improve their process, increasing efficiency and reducing mistakes.
For example, Rachel is in charge of inspecting each of our locations upon checkout. It’s a role Kevin meticulously trained her to do. The rest of the family leaves the room, or Airbnb, and Rachel goes room by room, inspecting every closet, cabinet, and drawer to ensure we’ve left nothing behind. She looks under beds, behind doors and shower curtains, and even rifles through piles of bedding and towels.
Kevin will sometimes purposely leave an article hidden to make sure she finds it. The rest of us stay out of the way while she completes the task and we put our confidence in her to do it properly. Consistent execution of this task by Rachel, coupled with us not trying to help her (staying in our own lanes and out of her way), gives her accountability, builds her confidence, and helps make sure nothing gets left behind. Everyone benefits from her efforts!
In addition to making sure everything gets done, assigning tasks to each family member builds self-esteem, accountability, and pride in a job well-done. It also gives family members an opportunity to show appreciation (more on that in #5, below). Even your youngest family members can be assigned a job. When Sophie was younger, sometimes her job was to hold the door open so we could easily get through with all of our luggage.
Practice Grace & Gratitude – When we are under pressure, sometimes our most basic instincts take over. Just like a wounded or scared animal, we can often lash out at those around us. It’s important to recognize that everyone else is also experiencing stress and everyone deals with it in different ways. It’s not reasonable to eliminate all conflict, but be quick to apologize and gracious in understanding and forgiveness.
Also, remember to thank each other for the things we do. Kevin is great about doing this as we end our day. As he’s getting into bed each night, he will say things like “thank you for a delicious dinner,” “thank you for filling my CPAP with water,” and “thank you for helping Rachel with her writing assignment.” These little expressions of thanks show me that he knows the things I’ve done throughout the day for him and the girls and that he’s thankful for my efforts. It makes me feel good. He’s excellent at this and his leadership in this area has made us all better at remembering that a simple “thank you” goes a long way.
Practice Self-Care – I have to admit that this is an area where we could all use some improvement. We have moments where we excel and moments where it all tends to fall apart. Sometimes our diet is excellent but we just aren’t getting enough exercise. Other times, we’re eating and moving a lot but are so busy that we’re not getting enough rest and we aren’t taking time to just breath.
Everyone has different ways to relax. For Kevin, it might be meditation or journaling, for Ellie or me, it’s binging a favorite show or reading a book. Rachel needs “alone time” and the ability to draw and create. Sophie enjoys crafting and always has to have her favorite toy, Cinnamon, with her. Identify that activity or item that brings you contentment and find a way to incorporate it during a life transition. Here are some examples of ways to practice self-care:
Exercise – This can be a daily walk/run, a family hike, or a bike ride. It can even be a trip to a zoo or an amusement park where you’re doing lots of walking and getting fresh air and sunshine. Regular exercise can have a positive impact on those who struggle with depression, anxiety, and even ADHD. In addition to relieving stress, it’s been shown to boost memory and improve sleep.
We like to get exercise, while traveling, in the form of exploring. After 3 months in France, Kevin and I had each lost 5-10 pounds. We were shocked! We had eaten more bread than we had in the prior two years combined and indulged in chocolate and other tasty treats throughout our travels. In the midst of all this indulgence, however, we were also touring cities, museums, castles, and amusement parks where we logged miles and miles over those months.
The key is to find an activity you enjoy so that you won’t dread it. The reason walking worked so well for us is because we were barely aware we were doing it. We were so engaged in what we were seeing and experiencing that we were distracted from the endless miles, hills, and stairs.
Sleep Hygiene – Both quality and quantity of sleep are important to our overall health. If you struggle to sleep you might benefit from creating some routines and disciplines that will improve your sleep. Here’s a helpful article on the subject from the Sleep Foundation.
As I’ve gotten into my 50s, I struggle more with sleep. When I need a little extra help, I might take melatonin. I’ve also benefited by meeting with a therapist who provided some sleep hygiene tips. Some have been quite helpful. Kevin discovered several years ago that his snoring was caused by sleep apnea. Since using a CPAP, his sleep quality has greatly improved. Don’t hesitate to speak with your physician about ways that you can improve your sleep. It is vital to your overall health!
Comfort Items – I mentioned above that Sophie never travels without Cinnamon, her favorite stuffed dog. She’s been a constant companion since Sophie was two and she can’t sleep without her. Her stuffing barely exists and even a heavy wash won’t reveal her original color, but her importance to Sophie remains.
Rachel has to have her sketchbook and pencils with her. We’ve even purchased some tiny sketchbooks that can fit in her purse. When she’s drawing, she’s happy. Maybe for your child, it’s a blanket or a favorite toy.
Even adults have comforts that make them feel at home. Despite the fact that space is at a premium when we travel full-time, Ellie always brings her favorite pillow case, satin robe, and slippers. For some, these things might be impractical, but for Ellie, they represent comfort and that makes them worth the space that they occupy in her carry-on bag.
Do you have a favorite thing that you can keep within reach to help get you through your transition? Maybe a letter from a loved one folded in your purse or a picture of a favorite memory that hangs on the fridge. These small items can provide comfort and inspiration when stress and circumstances threaten to steal your joy.
Healthy Diet – Getting proper nutrition can really improve brain function and both mental and physical health. On a recent vacation to one of our favorite places, we were being unusually indulgent. After one such meal, Rachel laughingly cried out “I miss vegetables!” I love that she was mindful enough to know that this unhealthy eating was just not sustainable.
One thing that we’ve recognized is that the concept of dieting doesn’t really work for us. Rather than focusing on what we can’t or shouldn’t have, we try to fill ourselves up with nutritious things we all like. We give ourselves permission to indulge but make sure we’re first filling our bodies with fruits, vegetables, proteins, and healthy fats. If we focus on nutrition and well-balanced meals first, we can feel a little less guilty about indulging in a dish of ice cream or a cookie later.
Therapy – Sometimes it's beneficial to talk with someone who isn’t all wrapped up in the same chaos and challenges that your family is facing. A licensed therapist can listen and give valuable insight from an impartial perspective. I have been meeting with a therapist for the last few months. She’s given me some coping techniques and asked probing questions that help me problem-solve on my own. I’ve really valued our sessions.
Meditation – I’ve mentioned this, above, as one of Kevin’s valuable tools. Kevin thought about learning Transcendental Meditation for a long time before he took the plunge. He actually met with a TM instructor to complete the necessary sessions to learn. He feels best when he is practicing it at least once a day. Meditation is a helpful practice to improve focus and decrease stress but it does take time and practice to master. To learn more about TM, follow this link.
Practice Deep Breathing – When relaxed, a person breathes through their nose slowly and gently. This unconscious breathing engages both the diaphragm and the respiratory muscles. When we’re stressed, we tend to take short breaths that only engage those respiratory muscles. Deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing is a technique that consciously works to engage the diaphragm. Engaging in this controlled breathing pattern during stressful situations can result in physiological changes that lower both blood pressure and heart rate, reduce stress hormones in the blood, balance oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood, increase physical energy and feelings of calm, and improve immune system functioning. For a step-by-step guide to deep breathing, click here.
Massage – We all know that a massage can feel really good, but did you know that you can also benefit both physically and emotionally from a massage? Along with loosening those tight muscles in your neck and shoulders that often result from stress, it can actually lower the cortisol in your body. According to the Mayo Clinic, a one hour massage is like an “hour long hug” that provides a comforting touch and releases serotonin. Along with physically improving your body’s ability to fight off pain, a massage can lower depression and feelings of anxiety and even help increase confidence and self-image.
Hobbies – Engaging in favorite hobbies can also boost your serotonin and decrease your stress. Taking time to enjoy your favorite activity can even improve your sleep and lower your risk of depression. Sometimes, we think of hobbies as guilty pleasures but those pleasures are actually important for our overall health. So, give yourself permission to engage in them!
Entertainment – Music has all sorts of benefits. It can reduce stress and even help relieve pain. Rachel actually has different playlists that she listens to while doing school work. She’s found that certain music is helpful while she’s doing math and others are great in the background when she’s trying to write. While I can’t concentrate on math with music lyrics playing, her brain is stimulated by the music and it improves her performance.
Movies, shows, and books are all forms of entertainment that help us to unplug from our stress and focus on something pleasurable for a time, releasing cortisol and boosting serotonin.
Communicate with Each Other – Human nature, when faced with stress, uncertainty, and change, is to focus inward. Often, we can get wrapped up in how this affects ME. When everyone is self-absorbed and no one is talking, processes can break, feelings can get hurt, and tempers can flare.
Different family members may be having different feelings at different times. That’s ok! Sometimes you don’t even know you’re overwhelmed until it bubbles over into your interactions with others. Often, we notice a change in Rachel’s demeanor before she even realizes that she’s holding in her feelings. By encouraging her to articulate her feelings (and maybe shed a few tears), she can release all of that pent up stress and walk away feeling better because she’s communicated her feelings and frustrations, receiving love and advice in return.
Kevin, Ellie, and I like to have a regular “Coffee Talk.” At least once a week, we carve a couple hours out of our morning to enjoy a cup of coffee (and a couple of cookies) while we chat about what we are each working on. Sometimes we even have an agenda if we have specific challenges we’re working through. This helps us all to get aligned, talk through checklist items that need to be completed, and generate ideas for how to improve the blog. (Our Coffee Talks were invaluable for us when we were actively in the process of moving out of our permanent home.)
Connect with Others Who will Encourage You – Usually, this will mean your closest friends and family, the people who love you and know you best. It could also mean others who are on a similar path to you.
We are determined to do better at this as we set out for our full-time travels. There are so many ways to connect. For us, it might be trying to meet up with other full-time families or finding a local charity where we can lend a hand while we’re in town.
No matter what transition you’re going through, there is certainly one (or many) Facebook groups that you can join whose members can help guide you. I am a member of FB groups for homeschooling, worldschooling, full-time travel, and even some location specific expat groups. For every situation, there is someone who has already gone through it, or is currently experiencing it, and you can jump in and support each other.
Focus on the Positive – Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? While this analogy has been around for ages, your honest answer really does help determine if your natural inclination is optimism or pessimism. Some studies have shown that personality traits such as optimism and pessimism can affect your health and well-being. The positive outlook that comes from an optimistic personality serves to manage stress.
Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you’re not aware of life’s challenges. Instead, it means that you approach difficulty and frustration in a more productive way. We have written an entire post on this topic called “Everything Always Works Out.” (It’s actually our family motto!) If you tend toward the pessimistic, you might benefit from giving it a read. We outlined some suggestions that just might help you shift your perspective.
Wow! That’s a lot of tools and ideas! While we’re not always perfect at utilizing all of these, we keep each of them in our toolbox for when we need them. Some of them are in our daily routines and some come out when we have a significant stressful time or a major life transition. We hope we’ve provided you with some helpful tools that you and your family can use as you navigate life’s transitions, both at home and on the road.
