We Can Do HARD Things!
Leaving the Ordinary for the Extraordinary
“Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.”
Family selfie in front of one of our storage units as we start to add our items
Last week was hard! I’m not going to sugar coat it, it was one of the most physically and emotionally difficult weeks we’ve experienced together. That said, it was also tremendously exhilarating! We knew we had to march through the challenges in order to claim the rewards.
At the end of last week, we officially became nomads. After years of planning and a multitude of pivots due to forces outside of our control, we finally did it! We gave up “home” to travel internationally for at least the next 12-18 months! Instead of a family home, we are each stepping into the future with a carry-on suitcase, a backpack, and a goal of immersing ourselves in the places we will visit.
WHY We Did It
This was not a decision that we took lightly. Some form of the nomadic lifestyle has been in our dreams for well over a decade and in active planning for almost 7 years! It all started with dreaming and imagining. Before we had any concrete plans, we had visions of a different life. Those visions persisted as we felt there was something we wanted to achieve that wouldn’t happen while living with traditional jobs, schooling, and schedules. It was as if we had an itch we couldn’t scratch and so we just kept searching until we had an idea of what our dream lifestyle could be.
For years, we visited RV shows and sale lots and imagined how each one would fit our family and our belongings. We toured giant A class coaches and fifth wheel trailers. Each time, we would all sit at the table and imagine eating dinner and playing games. The girls would climb into the bunks and try to imagine sleeping there. We even took some test drives and ended up feeling settled on our favorite “Super C” that seemed to be manageable and practical for all of our needs.
Making a huge lifestyle change like this isn’t something that just happens overnight. Our vision evolved with time and circumstances. When we started to put ideas into action, we had to be flexible and creative. In late 2019, we met with realtors to move forward with selling our house. At that time, we planned to buy an RV, and travel the country while homeschooling our girls. (We even set the date!)
The same month we were supposed to put our house on the market, Covid hit and we put our plans on hold to do our part to “flatten the curve.” As we sheltered in place, it seemed that everyone else had the same idea. RV sales went through the roof and the national parks and campgrounds were filled beyond capacity. We sat at home frustrated while it felt like everyone else was living OUR dream! We started to wonder if we had missed our chance.
All of these curve-balls really gave us time to reflect. We realized that while the prospect of RVing was exciting. It wasn’t the RV that we were really craving but the lifestyle that it represented. We didn’t truly want an RV, we wanted the freedom to travel wherever, whenever, and however we wanted! We wanted to experience all the beautiful places, foods, and people we would find along the way. Once we made that connection, we started to envision other ways that we could accomplish that goal. We began to realize that we didn’t want to limit ourselves to the U.S. but wanted to freely travel the entire world!
HOW We Did It
When Covid and health issues forced us to spend months at a time together without mingling with others, we took notice of how each of us responded and what our strengths and weaknesses were. We took advantage of a full year of “virtual learning” to help us better understand how our girls learned and how we could set them up for success with the right tools to homeschool. Instead of feeling intimidated by homeschooling, we realized that this was something we absolutely could, and should, do!
We went ahead and sold our house and moved into a “temporary” rental. We pulled the girls from school, set up our own homeschool, and Kevin left his full-time job. Then, we took a leap of faith and practiced putting our dream into action by taking a full 3 months to explore nearly the entire country of France while working and schooling remotely. Our trip to France was life-changing! We had the time of our lives building wonderful memories, seeing iconic sites, and overcoming the challenges of longer term travel.
When we arrived home in December of 2021, we knew we were ready for full-time world travel but were faced with another setback that forced us to pivot. We learned of a significant health challenge that would take us two years to overcome. Despite the setback, we never lost our resolve for tackling world travel full-time.
While dealing with medical treatments and healing, we also kept dreaming. We researched, examined our financial situation, and watched like-minded people on YouTube as they traveled the world full-time and shared their experiences. We traveled a lot, domestically, as a family, including some long trips across the country and back.
In early 2024, we were given the medical green light to travel. We knew our lease would end on May 31, 2024 and we wanted to be ready! Despite being ready emotionally, we struggled with the physical tasks of managing our possessions in preparation for our travels. While most of us were slightly underestimating the sheer volume of the number of things we needed to manage, I found myself absolutely paralyzed and overwhelmed whenever I looked around our home and saw all of the STUFF!
For months, we just kept kicking the tasks down the road a little farther. Finally, with 90 days before our lease ended, we created a task list using one of our favorite project planning apps - Trello. We organized our tasks by week and sat down each week, on Sunday evening, to determine what had been completed, what hadn’t (and would need to move to the subsequent week), and what we had on our agendas to complete during the week ahead. Despite the fact that most of the tasks were the responsibility of the 3 adults, we made sure our girls sat in on each of these meetings so they knew exactly what was going on and how much work needed to be done.
For weeks, we faithfully chiseled away at the tasks. We scheduled and went to the doctor, dentist, and eye appointments. We researched remote mailboxes, sorted, purged, updated our estate plans, and worked on travel plans and budgets. Managing our stuff, though… that was a BIG issue! Why were we struggling so much, why did this expose so much emotional baggage, causing arguments and anxiety?
There is a term that psychologists use called “The Endowment Effect.” It refers to the fact that we are more likely to hold on to an object we already own, rather than buy that same thing again if we don’t have it. Basically, we place a ridiculous amount of value on the stuff we own and naturally resist getting rid of it. There are lots of reasons an item can be difficult to purge, here are a few:
Sentimental value – Shells from a trip to the beach, a t-shirt from a concert, something once owned by a parent or grandparent; these all hold sentimental value and getting rid of it might feel like tossing the memory or person attached to it away as well. Ask yourself if you will still remember the occasion or person without the item. Take a photo of it, let yourself enjoy the memory, and then pass it on to someone who may need it more.
Worry about needing that item again – I struggle with this one. I had to learn to ask myself when I used it last. Generally, if it’s been longer than a year, you can safely do without it. Also, ask if you can borrow or rent it on the rare occasion you might need it again. Sometimes the cost of holding on to something is more than the cost of replacing it in the future.
Guilt – This is two-fold. First, there’s the guilt about getting rid of something that came from someone we love. I think we’ve all experienced receiving a gift we didn’t like but holding onto it because we’re afraid of offending the gift giver. Or even being given a family heirloom or two, like furniture, and feeling as though you can’t part with it due to the family history it “holds,” despite the fact that it doesn’t fit your furnishing style. Rather than stuffing these things in a closet, why not pass them on to someone who needs and wants them?
Second, there is the guilt about the money we spent. Kevin calls this the “sunk cost fallacy.” It’s the feeling of guilt that we’re getting rid of something that we spent a lot of money to buy. This often comes from an inflated perceived monetary value. That item is not likely worth what you imagine it is. Ask yourself if you’ve already gotten your money’s worth and whether you might be able to sell it for a portion of that remaining dollar value. Sometimes the space and peace you get from letting it go is worth losing some of the perceived dollar value.
We attach our dreams to our possessions – Several years ago, I purchased a Cricut with visions of making lots of fun things and creating a little business. Life got in the way and I never really made the time (or took the risk) to create that business. When we moved out of our house to our rental, the Cricut (and all of the accessories) went into boxes in a closet.
Six months turned into a year and then 3 years and the Cricut remained in the box. Selling it made me feel like I had given up that hobby or dream or, worse, that I had failed. I had to think about the new dream I was striving for and what place this item had in that pursuit. I made the decision to sell it. While it wasn’t easy, once I placed it in the hands of someone who had the same dream I once did, I felt that it was going to be treasured and that felt good. Don’t be afraid to trade your outgrown dreams for the new ones you feel passionate about pursuing now!
We don’t make the time – I’m sure we’re not alone in this struggle. We found that our stuff accumulated faster than we could manage it. That’s not necessarily because we’re lazy.
Because of the reasons listed previously, we don’t prioritize regular decluttering. As a result, we hold on to too many things (or the wrong kinds of things) because it’s easier than letting go. I used to do this with the kids’ clothes. I would rationalize that Rachel’s outgrown items would be great for Sophie down the line. With a 4 year age gap and the fact that Sophie is much smaller than Rachel was at her age, this often meant holding on to outgrown clothes for 4-6 years before using them. In that time, I would forget what I had and buy new stuff for Sophie anyway. (This can even be true with the daily mail.) Make trashing and donating a habit that is as regular as your weekly date night or card game.
As the weeks passed, we realized that the move out date was steadily sneaking up on us and we had to throw it into high gear. I got busy listing items on Facebook Marketplace in the hopes that we could add a little cash to our coffers as we parted with the things we didn’t want to store. You’d be amazed how gratifying it can be to trade some unused possessions for cold hard cash. It can actually even get addicting. (The girls joked that if they sat still long enough, I would post them on Marketplace!)
Despite our best efforts, we still found time running out much faster than the tasks that needed to be done. The weekend before our lease ended, we hired movers to help for a couple of hours by moving the heaviest items down the abundant stairs of our townhome and onto our rented U-Haul, but most of the hard work fell to us. Kevin, Ellie, & I exhausted ourselves way beyond what we thought was our maximum. In the midst of ALL of this, Ellie was still working full-time until just two days before we moved out, which was stressful and emotional for her (she really loved her job and her team). We also took a half-day break on the same day Ellie left her job to celebrate Sophie’s birthday with a couple friends at a local trampoline park!
By the evening of our move out date, Kevin had actually run himself so hard that he was having some very concerning chest pains. Out of an abundance of caution, Ellie took him to the ER to get checked out. After multiple EKGs, X-rays, and blood tests, they determined that he had most likely overdone it way too soon after getting over a respiratory infection. They gave him some meds to help him relax and sleep and advised him to “take it easy.” This meant not letting him overextend himself as we completed our move.
As I waited with the girls in the hotel that night for Ellie and Kevin to return, I said a prayer for Kevin’s health, for an understanding landlord (we would be late evacuating our townhome), and for the rest of the move to go smoothly.
I woke to a text from our landlord saying “No rush. Take your time.” I thanked her and told her how much we appreciated her understanding. A couple of hours later, she texted me saying “You know, let me get someone to come clean the house.” This act of grace was an answer to prayer. She was one of many angels we met along the way as we prepared to transition to our new way of life. We returned to the rental to load the last of our items, thank our landlord, and return our keys. Then, we stopped at the dump to get rid of our last remaining trash before tucking the rest of our belongings into our storage units.
WHAT We Learned
Yes, it was absolutely exhausting; both physically and emotionally. But, even in the most difficult moments, we found little blessings along the way that sustained us and taught us valuable lessons. Here are a few:
Never underestimate the kindness of strangers – Throughout our process of moving, we found angels all around us. There was Jill, the mom of 3 who came to buy a shelving unit and bonded with us over our love of our kids and homeschooling. Jill and I both felt blessed to meet each other and she has now become one of our blog subscribers and we look forward to following each other’s journeys.
Ellie met a woman who came to pick up a shelf from us and learned of our travels and Ellie’s high school and college experiences. She spent 20-30 minutes chatting and actually took out paper and a pen to take notes on the NC Promise program that made Ellie’s college experience affordable and some of Ellie’s comments about homeschooling. We also shared our blog name with her so she could follow our travels.
We met Clyde and the guys at the dump who made our every trip there feel like fun (and a big thanks for their skills in directing Kevin in backing up the big U-Haul). We made a number of trips to the dump and each time, we got to know the crew a little better and Clyde teased Kevin about his gang of tough girls who worked hard. He even called Sophie “#4” - both because she was the 4th of Kevin’s “girls” that he met and because she frequently visited the 4th stall where cardboard was collected.
There was our landlord that extended abundant grace and compassion, and even a perfect stranger who prayed with me for safe journeys and healthy fun family travel. Even the U-Haul manager who waived our (extremely) late fee thanks to Kevin’s unexpected trip to the ER while the truck sat, filled with all of our possessions, overnight before being unloaded and returned.
And then there was Walter and his wife V. Walter answered Kevin’s Marketplace posting of our riding lawn mower back in April. He waited patiently while Kevin was down sick with a persistent virus and couldn’t show it to him. Finally, the day before we moved out, he and his wife met Kevin and Ellie at the storage facility to take a look. Any reservation that Kevin had about selling his well-cared for John Deere melted away as he got to know Walter, saw the dream of the tractor reflected in his eyes, and heard his wife tell how diligently he had saved for just the perfect match which he didn’t find until that very day. To say that both parties walked away feeling blessed is an understatement!
Holding on often holds us back – Are you afraid you won’t succeed with the next phase so you continue to hold onto pieces of your old self/life/career? You will succeed only as much as you believe you are capable. Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”
Both Ellie and Kevin spent hours going through some of their notes and binders from college (Kevin completed graduate school over 30 years ago!) that they’ve held onto because of all the hard work they represented. Kevin had boxes of awards and papers from past jobs that filled box after box. It’s hard to part with things that represent milestones, successes, and lots of work and sacrifice.
Sometimes, we hold on to them as a psychological crutch in case we need to pick them back up again. Get rid of those things so you will be forced to venture into the possibility of the unknown. Be VERY clear about what you want and then have the courage to let go of everything else. What do you want? What do you need to let go of in order to get it?
Get everyone involved – At 16 & 12, Rachel and Sophie are capable of handling their fair share. As a mom, I sometimes struggle with giving my kids more responsibility. If I do it myself then I know it’s done right. What if they forget something important? What if something gets damaged? The problem is that they don’t learn to do it right until they do it themselves. The best way I can explain how to teach them is to follow these simple steps:
I do & you watch
You do & I watch
You do it on your own
After many years of packing their suitcases for them, I started laying things out for them and letting them pack. Then I started telling them what we had planned and let them pack. They will forget things, it’s inevitable, but we view it as a learning opportunity. (And, honestly, many adults forget things too.)
Sophie recently left her sunglasses behind at an arcade. It’s been an uncomfortable few days without them. When she gets a new pair, I’m betting she’ll be more careful not to leave them behind. Same thing goes for family projects. Maybe a 3 year old can only hold the door open and carry small items but, by being involved, they will learn that their role is important.
A little patience goes a long way – Stress can look different depending on the person and the situation. We all have our breaking points and we need to learn to recognize each other’s moments and give grace rather than taking it personally. Kevin, Ellie, and I had a moment where we were all getting very frustrated when moving a very large and heavy piece of furniture.
We were all working hard but we each had our own idea about how it should be done. Our efforts were getting hindered by not talking about how to accomplish this task. When we recognized what was happening, we took a moment to slow down and let each of us articulate what we were thinking. From there, we decided which idea would work best (which turned out to be a combination of all 3) and then worked together to get it done. It was still a difficult chore but having the patience to stop and listen made it doable!
Patience is a treasured skill. In a world where immediate gratification is the demand, it is definitely a beneficial skill to master. Practicing patience during life’s setbacks can help build your tolerance for when bigger issues arise. It is actually possible to practice patience every day: let people go ahead of you in line, ignore notifications on your phone, take up a hobby that requires walking away between steps, resist scratching an itch, or handwrite a letter and wait for a response. Teach your kids to practice patience with each other and with those around them. They will thank you one day.
Know your limits – This can start long before the task at hand. It begins with developing a mindset of being present. Take time to notice what’s happening around you and how you’re feeling. Engage your senses in addition to your brain. There are some great tools for developing this habit. It helps to pick a way that works for you. Journaling, breathing exercises, yoga, tai chi, and meditation are all great ways to force yourself to slow down and pay attention.
Once you’ve developed these habits, you will be in a better place to recognize when things aren’t right. Kevin has been pretty diligent about meditating for the last 18 months. He’s seen tremendous benefits from the practice. Unfortunately, as our tasks mounted, he wasn’t as strict about making sure he took time out to meditate. As a result, he probably wasn’t as aware of the early clues telling him to slow down before bigger symptoms made their appearance.
Recognize what’s in your control – I know it’s easier said than done but there really is no sense in stressing over things that are not under your control. Sometimes, it’s helpful to slow down and just ask yourself how much control you actually have over the thing that’s driving you crazy. If you’re frustrated by all the stuff surrounding you then make a plan and follow through. If your anxiety is over what someone else thinks or does, you are really helpless to control it. Recognize that it’s out of your control then take a deep breath and move on.
Find the fun! – Laughter really IS good medicine. Don’t be going so fast that you can’t appreciate the little things. Even when things go wrong, it’s important to try to find the silver lining. For instance, when unloading one of Ellie’s bins from the U-Haul truck, I managed to break a lock off of one side. It was a bit frustrating, but we didn’t sweat it, because the other one was still intact. Fast forward a few minutes later and as Ellie was taking it off the cart to put in the storage unit she managed to snap the other lock in half. At that point, we just had to take a deep breath and laugh, recognizing that it wasn’t the end of the world, and that we could just stack a box or two on top of it to hold the lid in place until we were able to get a replacement. We have found that our most challenging moments often become our funniest stories later on. Try to step outside of your situation and take a moment to find the humor.
We are capable of very HARD things! Whether it’s choosing to part with things, playing tetris at the storage unit (“there’s no way that’s going to fit”), learning how to lift very heavy items by working together, making the hard decisions about homeschooling and travel, or stepping into a lifestyle that is completely new; we have the tools to pull it all together. Next week, we’re going to be sharing exactly what it means to be a nomad. We hope you’re intrigued enough to stay tuned for the Uncommon Family Adventures ahead!
